Hiking In Zion... Beautiful, Beautiful Zion

It's easy to lose one's footing on the pathway of life.  One misstep and we can find ourselves plummeting into the ravines of  despair, anger, addiction, or a number or.other possibilities. 

But God, He always makes a way. 

A few months ago I found myself hiking in Zion National Park.   The trail to Emerald Pools seemed rather crowded, but people were moving at a steady pace.  Suddenly, the trail came to a deadlock and fell silent.  That's when I saw them; a couple mule deer crossing the path and headed up the side of the mountain this  mere human wouldn't dare tread.  Then in the silence, I heard the whisper of the Holy Spirit speak. 

Pay attention dear daughter.  Watch how the deer step.  They walk in faith, not fear knowing I have made their footing sure. 

Looking at the deer I couldn't help but breathe a prayer of gratitude for God's provision.  The previous month I sure had lost my footing, but I didn't plummet.  Like the hiking poles that kept me stable on the trails, God used numerous supports to help me not only stand, but continue to walk.  He used people galore; friends, family, the body of Christ (which is a very special family), coworkers, and even strangers. He used nature to speak when the words of others didn't seem to carry a message that could reach my aching heart. He used random messages, memes, posts by others, and of course His Word.

 

Just a Little Misty Eyed

I woke up this morning just a little Misty eyed. Tears.  I've shed a lot in my life.  I most certainly have done my fair share of crying since the engagement wasn't the only thing broken in September. Tears of sorrow. Heartache. Grief. Anger. Gratitude.  Yep, I said it, tears of gratitude. To understand that statement, I need to go back in time a little.

'He' and I started dating and I fell hard.  I wasn't alone. He bought my engagement ring a short 4 months after we started dating even though he didn't officially propose for several months after that.  Ironically, he proposed on what was my anniversary with my ex-husband.  He didn't know it, so don't be thinking what a douche.  Me, I took it as a smile from heaven; a sort of redemption of a day that once meant so much and then brought so much hurt.  Now, I jokingly call it diamond day.  Anyway, I digress.  

We started dating and man I was all in, but I wasn't without my own share of trepidation.  In May, I took a trip to my favorite place on the planet and spent 3 days alone with God.  I was fasting, praying, unplugged, hiking, and crying.  Crying out to God to be more exact.   

I recall the prayer like none other.  With each step my barefoot hugged the earth to get 'grounded', my cries went to heaven to really 'ground me'.  'Put us in the fire Lord. Burn out whatever needs to come out of use before we get married.' Not just once, but a cadence of that prayer over and over again.  Surrender.  And boy did He answer. It got hot, and 'we' didn't survive the purification, and the tears; more of them fell than could be captured at Niagara. 

Back to this morning.  I woke and had those all familiar tears in my eyes, but these accompanied a smile. It's so humbling to think of how God answered that prayer and put us in the fire.  It's even more humbling to think of how He was in the fire too.   Not just in that moment, but every single step along the way.  Holding me. Protecting me. Loving me, not just in some pie in the sky tell myself to make me feel better way, but really present. Immanuel. Wrapped up in the skin of others. 

Of course, one expects your nearest and dearest to walk through the deepest valleys with you, and praise God they did/do. But God... He showed up in others like: 

• the friend who took the ring and the wedding dress out of the house until I was ready to deal with it
• the friend who is like a mama to me in so many ways and took pills out of the house to protect me and held me as I fell apart
• the friend who has been more of an acquaintance for so many years since our girls were in school together, but checked/checks on my multiple times a week because she has been there too
• the family member of the now 'ex-finance' who checks in on me to make sure I'm healing and has ever since this happened; cheering me on as a fellow woman and sister in Christ
• the bosses who gave me grace beyond measure
• the coworkers who check on me even the ones from other buildings
• on an on and on.... 

It was the coworkers that brought the tears of this morning. 

This week an email was sent about an encouragement opportunity coming up in our building where we get a secret person to encourage for a while. We filled out bios at the beginning of the year about ourselves that the person would reference to encourage.  I remembered filling mine out.

Mine said I was about to marry the love of my life. It was riddled with 'us' right there in my work bio. Crap.  What if someone got that who didn't know my story and they picked that scab. Cue tears, so I walked down to the office and asked the keeper of the bios... "Will you help me get rid of the Crowder crap from my bio?"  Her words.  We already did.  Two ladies who are precious sisters in Christ in the front office were going through the bios and when they read mine, they took care of me.  Rather, He took care of me through them.  How can I not cry tears of gratitude? 

It's for those tears He died.  

Thank you Jesus for all the love you have shown me in my life.  Not just in this season, but through my entire life.  You promise you are near to the brokenhearted, a water to the fatherless, and will never leave nor forsake me.  You are a keeper of your promises and you never cease to surprise me.  Thank you for the beautiful hands and feet you use in this world to wipe my tears and the tears of others.  Let my hands be your hands.  

Amen

In the beginning....

The ripping of the wrapping paper has given way to the ripping of the calendar to show a new month, a new day, and a new year.  With a new year, people often have resolutions, a word of the year, goals, habit trackers, and new planners.  The churches and gyms are more crowded and for many there is a feeling of change, anticipation, hope that lingers, but not for everyone.

Last year was a quite a year.  I traveled, hiked, watched my daughter graduate, dropped her off at college, celebrated grand babies birthdays, got engaged, and had my heart broken into more pieces than I can ever remember when the engagement and relationship ended.  It was a year full of beginnings and endings. 

This morning, as I was going back to the beginning of the Bible, the first few verses spoke to me with a fresh message.

 "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.  Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. "

Genesis 1:1-2 NIV

I felt drawn to the description of the earth in these verses.  Formless. Empty.  Darkness over the deep.  It feels like the way I have felt a lot the last few months. It feels like what someone would paint if they painted sadness, depression, and grief. It is the picture I see when I think about finding the energy to take a shower, or make my bed, or even brush my teeth.  It's the gloom of thinking it takes too much energy to put on shoes or clothes and go to the store or visit family. An abyss. A black hole. 

 But there is such a beauty there in the same description of the darkness.  The word says, "the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." 

Hovering. What a beautiful word to describe God just waiting to begin His rescue story. Even in the darkness, he was present. God didn't just stay in hover mode though; he spoke and light appeared!

"And God said, Let there be light and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness."

Genesis 1:3 

 This year, if you are starting the year with an ending from last year that leaves you feeling more like the formless, empty, and darkness of the deep, I encourage you, and me, to try to focus on verse 3.  

God speaks into the darkness and brings light and He called it good. Even if the light feels dim, find any you can. If your resolutions begin with brush your teeth every day then amen. Brush those babies and when you are ready add in make your bed. Don't let the new beginning of the year cover you with shame for hurting. Embrace whatever process God uses in your life, but never quit listening for His voice to speak and looking for the light. After all, God didn't create everything in a day, so why act as if the calendar change erases the hurts He is still healing in you.  

May 2023 be a year where you see the Spirit of God.

Imagine

                                            https://babylonbee.com/


Yesterday, something strange happened on my Facebook wall.   My "most liberal" and "most conservative" friends BOTH posted the above image and corresponding article.   I scratched my head in confusion, giggled a little, but the incident kept running though my mind.  The more I thought about it, the more I think it is a reflection of something bigger; the power of words and perceptions. It inspired me to do my own 'imagining'  Will you join me?

Imagine if we chose our words more carefully:

• Imagine if we used the pronoun I more to express feelings, thoughts, and actions and the word you to express affirmation more than condemnation.
• Imagine if we used the pronoun we more to identify ourselves in the problems AND solutions.  
• Imagine if we used the pronoun they less as a label.
• Imagine if we used the words should have, could have, and would have to incite learning more and to assign blame less.  What if we used those words toward ourselves first and foremost since we can only truly change ourselves and from those changes, collective changes can take place. 
• Imagine if used fewer absolutes like never and always when referring to people and their actions.   
• Imagine if we conveyed our thoughts and feelings and reasons for them if possible when we can and leave less open to interpretation.  For example, using I statements such as  I feel _____ when____because ______and I would like _______.  Another way to do this is to use language similar to what Brene Brown teaches with the phrase, "The story I'm telling myself is....."   To echo Brene Brown once again, clear is kind. 
• Imagine if we used a plethora of adjectives and adverbs when affirming, but used them sparingly when we disagree with someone.  

Imagine if we shifted our perceptions:

• Imagine if we were quick to listen to another person, even if, and maybe especially if, their point of view was different from our own.  But as we listen, imagine if we listen to understand, not reply. Imagine if in these conversations we were slow to speak and slow to become angry.
• Imagine if we understand that we all have a bias based on our our experiences and beliefs.  What if we acknowledged those biases and didn't throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater because someone's bias was different than ours.  Instead, what if we look for the common ground and build from these places. 
• Imagine if every time we interacted with another person we did so with the objective to learn and grow from that interaction instead of prove our point.  
• Imagine if we stopped and thought about what battle we were really fighting. Ephesians 6:12 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."  The battles are good vs. evil, but they often manifest as: 

• trust vs. fear
• mercy vs. vengence
• love vs. hate 
• grace vs. condemnation 
• forgiveness vs. unforgiveness
• knowledge vs. ignorance 
• An infinate amount of other manifestations
• Imagine if we approached people knowing we are all on our own walk through this life and this means that we all have different experiences (nurture) and make up (nature). That means we are all as unique as our fingerprints.  Our job is not to all be alike, but to use our diversity for good.  
• Imagine if we accepted people where they are in their journey, not necessarily condoning where they are, but not necessarily condemning them either.   That doesn't mean we just say we can all do whatever, but acknowledging that somone can't do more than they know.  They can't show what they don't understand.  They can't solve problems they don't know exist.   However, when we know better, let us do better, but let us forgive ourselves and others for not knowing or doing better sooner.  
• Imagine if we understood and accepted that life and learning is messy.  Mistakes are an integral part of the process, but we choose how to use what we learn from those mistakes and it is in those choices where change happens and learning takes place.  
• Imagine if we acknowledged that none of us on this crazy planet are all good or bad, right or wrong, or any other absolutes.   We live in the place between those absolutes.  

To quote, John Lennon, "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one." I dare say we can all think of people who had dreams thoughout history and in our own lives;  and when they acted on those dreams change happened.  But a dream without action is pointless.   

Sometimes actions seems small, but are really big and vice versa.   One action we can all take is to be mindful of what we think and say/write.   We won't be perfect,  but perfection isn't the goal on this planet, growth is.  Will you join me?  Imagine... and do... until we have to imagine no more.  

I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me 

A Portrait of a Real Man

Miles below the surface others dare not go.
But you go.
Many see the danger and shy away. 
You don't
You have counted the cost and deemed it a worthy cause.
A risk you want to take.
You dig where others dare not dig and get your hands dirty, callosed even.
You see the value of what you seek and you don't stop until you unearth it.  Not just for you, but for the ones who dare not tread where you go.  Even for those who have no idea of the task that lay before you and the risks you take.  The cost you pay is great.
Sometimes soot coats your entire being and it's hard to separate you from the trail you bring with you.
Still, in spite of the dust that coats your skin, you radiate light and love.
You, are a portrait of a real man and I am forever grateful I am your girl.